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Old 04-02-2011, 05:01 PM   #46
fishcrazy
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Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!

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Originally Posted by maidendeth13 View Post
I probably shouldn't have driven home from the pub last night...

Especially since I walked there in the first place.
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Old 04-02-2011, 05:51 PM   #47
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Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!

What did the fish say when he ran into the concrete wall?

Dam!
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Old 04-03-2011, 04:01 AM   #48
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Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!

what do you call a fish with no eyes?



FSH!

(ok, this is a verbal joke. say it out loud and it's funny)
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Old 04-03-2011, 04:04 AM   #49
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Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!

a blonde burns dinner, and the kitchen starts afire.

She calls 911 and requests the fire department help her out.

The dispatcher asked her what the address was.

The blonde said she didn't know.

The dispatcher asked how she expected the fire department to get there.

The blonde replied "DUH! Big Red Truck!"
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Old 04-05-2011, 02:49 PM   #50
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Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!'

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the heck is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.


'Cathy', he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?'


She replied with a snicker. 'It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Grow'!
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Old 04-05-2011, 02:56 PM   #51
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Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!

koala is sitting up a gumtree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says

"Hey Koala ! what are you doing?"

The koala says: "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."

So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a
few joints.

After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get
a drink from the river.

But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into
the river.

A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to
the side, then asks the little lizard: "What's the matter with you?"

The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a
joint with the
koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the
river while taking a drink.

The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest,
finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up
and says

"Hey you!"

So the koala looks down at him and says:

*"F*uuuuuuuccccccckkkkkkk dude.......how much water did you drink?!!"
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Old 04-05-2011, 03:18 PM   #52
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Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!

A man and his wife made apromise to each other that whoever died first would find a way to contact the other one and let them know about the afterlife. The man dies first and a couple years later contacts his wife.
" Honey how is it since youve passed" she asked. " Its awesome, wake up everyday and f**k then eat. F**k some more then sleep, wake up f**k, eat, f**k again, then sleep and do it all again the next day" he replies. "Oh surely you must be in heaven?" she asks.

He replies, " Hell no I was reincarnated as a rabbit"
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Old 04-05-2011, 04:56 PM   #53
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Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!

why do hippies stink?

so blind people can hate them too.
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Old 04-05-2011, 04:57 PM   #54
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Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!

What is red, orange, and yellow, and looks good on a hippie?


fire
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Old 04-05-2011, 09:32 PM   #55
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Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!

Quote:
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What is red, orange, and yellow, and looks good on a hippie?


fire
one of my all time favorites...
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Old 04-05-2011, 09:39 PM   #56
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Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!

My girlfriend said to me, "The other day, whilst you were drunk, you told me that you had sex with my sister. Were you lying?"

I said, "No, I was kneeling behind her."
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Old 04-05-2011, 09:40 PM   #57
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Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!

Girl: What colour are my eyes?
Guy: 34C
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Old 04-05-2011, 09:41 PM   #58
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Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!

I sell balloons for 10cents each or if you want them blown up it's 15cents.

I've adjusted the price to allow for inflation.
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Old 04-05-2011, 10:14 PM   #59
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Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!

A preacher checked into a motel recently and while at the front desk says to the girl behind the counter, " I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled" to which she replied "No You Sick Bastard, It's Just Regular Porn!
"
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Old 04-06-2011, 12:28 PM   #60
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Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by freeride View Post
A preacher checked into a motel recently and while at the front desk says to the girl behind the counter, " I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled" to which she replied "No You Sick Bastard, It's Just Regular Porn!
"
Good one!

A hydrogen ion walks into a bar. The bartender sees him and says, "You don't look so hot. Are you okay?" The H+ says, "Well, I think I just lost an electron." "Really, are you sure?" says the bartender. The H+ says, "Dude, I'm positive."
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― Frederic Bastiat, The Law
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