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Old 10-15-2018, 11:56 AM   #481
Marcus
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Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!

Oh man...there's some funny stuff here. Example1 Example2 Example 3

http://www.emailsfromanasshole.donte...ly.com/all.php
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― Frederic Bastiat, The Law

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Old 10-20-2018, 04:35 PM   #482
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Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!

From Car Talk

Crusty's young nephew, Cranky, applied for a position as mechanic at Click & Clack's garage. It just so happened that a young woman had walked in that day also looking for a job. There was really only one position to be filled, and since both applicants seemed to have the same qualifications, Ray asked them both to take a written test.

Upon completion of the test, both only missed one of the questions. Ray went to Cranky and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to the young lady."

Cranky asked, "Why? We both got nine questions correct. Since my uncle Crusty works here, I should get the job!"

Ray said, "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but rather on the question that you missed."

Cranky then asked, "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"

Ray replied, "Simple, the young woman put down for question #4, 'I don't know.' You put down, 'Neither do I.'"
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Old 01-19-2019, 12:28 PM   #483
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Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!

Why dont witches wear panties?So they can grip the broom better!
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Old 02-08-2019, 09:19 PM   #484
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Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!

Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women.

Mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' they have designed the 'Clitaurus'. It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won't be able to find it, let alone turn it on, even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it.

Rumour has it though, that it can be a real bitch to start in the morning. Some have reported that on cold winter mornings, when you really need it, you can't get it to turn over.

New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to maintain, and horribly expensive to get rid of. Used models may initially appear to have curb appeal and a low price, but eventually have an increased appetite for fuel, and the curb weight typically increases with age. Manufacturers are baffled as to how the size of the boot increases, but say that the paint may just make it LOOK bigger.

This model is not expected to reach collector status. Most owners find it is best to lease one, and replace it each year.
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Old 02-08-2019, 09:25 PM   #485
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Re: Jokes Thread, let's have a laugh!!

I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.

I asked them,'If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?
''NO!' the children answered.

If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the lawn, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?'

Again, the answer was 'NO!'

By now I was starting to smile.'Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweets to all the children, and loved my wife, would that get me into heaven?

Again, they all answered 'NO!'.

I was just bursting with pride for them.

I continued,'Then how can I get into heaven?'

A six year-old boy shouted out:"YUV GOTTA BE FOOKN' DEAD!!"

It's a curious race, the Irish.
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